Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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