Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
