She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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