I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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