and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
