I want to walk on stilts...naked
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
