i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
