Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
