Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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