So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
