Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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