Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
