Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
