Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
