Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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