Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she peed on how many people?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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