I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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