Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My day in three words: secret purse cake
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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