Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
