Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
