There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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