You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
