Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
