Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
