Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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