Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
