there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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