Ambien. No doubt about it.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
