You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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