tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
