Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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