Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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