He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
