We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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