oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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