It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
