So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize