i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
