I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
