Buhtt sex?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
