Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
