Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
