i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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