you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
