So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
