Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
