I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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