Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
