I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
