Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
