i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
